I know I have a calling from God to run a business, but just because God has placed a calling in your heart doesn't make the process easy.
For me, God has not been the easiest person to please. It was a never-ending search for the balance of finding out what he wants to achieve, and what I wanted to do.
At first, I thought I had the freedom to do anything, and that God will lead me in the right direction, so I figured that I'd make an educational game for kids to be able to easily learn coding, but that's been put to a halt because God gave me a word where he said God should take the initiative, not I.
So I searched for answers in my soul, to find out whether my motives were aligned with God. Why did God stop me from continuing my business? Was it by my selfish ambition I started this journey? Did I not inquire of God before making my move?
When we go deeply into our souls, we find out things that we don't want to see in our hearts. The easiest thing to do is to be in denial - that it wasn't from my selfish ambition, that I genuinely wanted to help kids in learning how to code, but I quickly learned how the devil inside of me likes to wrap his true intentions in a very colorful and beautiful way that you don't even realize you're tricking yourself.
In the deepest part of my soul, I wanted to game to have millions of players and every parent talking to one another about how great the game is, wrapped around seemingly noble motives, like wanting to bring Godly values by inspiring the players through biblical storytelling, preparing the future generation for the coming era where AI will change civilizations. Perhaps I will bring Glory to God by making this game.
When the cornerstone of your motivation is not aligned with God, while you may still decide to go ahead with it knowing that it's not aligned with God's will, you will never get the satisfaction that comes with an intimate relationship with God. As I drew nearer to God, I felt that his heart was not Glad. You can't be on the same path with God when his heart is not pleased with where you're going.
So I asked God for wisdom. What must I do to help people learn how to code? Then a thought entered my mind - "Do you think making a game is the most effective way of teaching people how to code?". Our God is a very practical God. If it was truly my intention to bring the best coding education for people, I probably would do more research on the educational techniques that'll teach coding in the most effective way.
So back to square one. I contemplated whether I really wanted to do it, but I thought to myself no, it's not really a problem that I am passionate about solving. Now as I write this I feel that the spirit is sad, perhaps he wants it to happen.